


If Tomorrow Isn't Coming...

by Feneris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bucketlisting, Drunkeness, Embaressment, Last Night Alive, Multi, New Tattoos, Only it's not, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were screwed. Lost out in the middle of titan territory with no food, no gas, and no horses, everyone had accepted the fact that when morning came, there were most likely going to be ripped apart by titans and eaten alive.</p>
<p>Well, if it was going to be their last night alive, they might as well make it one to remember and go out with a bang. It's not like they'll live long enough to face the consequences anyway.</p>
<p>Only, it's not their last night alive...</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Tomorrow Isn't Coming...

**Author's Note:**

> Another SnK Kink Meme fill. 
> 
> Had some fun writing this one. There's nothing funnier to me than thinking up strange situations for people to find themselves in. 
> 
> Would of course gladly love to hear any criticism on this work. (As well as what jokes people found funny in this. Humour is often hit or miss.)

They were fucked. Completely fucked. So fucked in fact, that Levi imagined that future recruits would be told their tale, so the dumb little shits could understand just how fucked you could be.

That's was assuming of course that there was enough left of them when morning came, so that future generations could piece together just how fucked they were.

They were out of gas.

They were out of food.

They were out of everything.

They didn't even have real alcohol, just some mysterious yellow shit Hanji had somehow brewed up that tasted like horse piss. And the only reason Levi knew that it wasn't actually horse piss, was because their horses had taken off on them three days ago.

They had sent off one of Hanji's prototype carrier rats asking for help, but so far nothing. Levi was actually pretty certain the damn thing had been eaten by a hawk the moment it was out of their sight. Carrier rats! What was that woman thinking?

There was nothing any of them could do, but sit around the fire, drinking themselves into a stupor and waiting for daylight to come so that the titans could rip them to pieces and devour them alive.

_"Yes,"_ Levi thought as he took of swig of horse piss. _"We are well and truly fucked."_

The silence around the campfire is deadening. No one wants to say anything. They're all too caught up in their thoughts. Everyone's waiting for the sun to rise, and for the titans to come and eat them all. Even Commander Irvin seems put out, like he should have been able to do something.

Petra suddenly slams her bottle down on the ground with a bang that has everyone jumping. "You know what! Fuck this!" She leans over and kisses Levi smack on the lips. "Fuck! I've always wanted to do that!"

Everyone is staring at Petra in stunned shock. Levi has half the urge to disinfect his face. He's sure he hears someone whisper, "Shit, he's going to fucking kill her!"

Apparently Petra heard him too. "So let him kill me!" she calls out. "We're all going to die horribly when morning comes anyway. What's a few hours difference! In fact, what are we doing sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves? I say that if this is going to be our last night alive, we make it the best fucking night of our lives! Screw the consequences! We're not going to live to see another night anyway! I say now is the time to do all those things we always wanted to do, and send ourselves off with the biggest fucking bang the Scouting Legion has ever seen! WHO'S WITH ME!?"

The camp erupts in a wild roar of approval, and Levi even finds himself joining in. If they're all going to die in the morning, might as well make it a night to remember.

\---

Ironically enough, Levi doesn't remember much of that night. Hanji's horse piss is apparently really good at killing all those little cells in your brain that help you remember shit.

What he does remember is disjointed jumble of memories and sensations. He knows there was an orgy, and a marriage. He can't quiet remember if they were both somehow connected or two separate events. There's a vague image of Petra giving them all a lapdance, and he's pretty sure honey was somehow involved. He remembers hearing something about Hanji fucking someone with strap-on and is mostly sure its wasn't him. There's a confusing jumble of memories that somehow involve a pair of fake cat ears, a bungee cord, and copious amounts of candle wax. There's also fond memory of someone cheerily calling him a "neurotic midget" and him cheerily kicking said person in the balls.

The only two things he is completely certain of, is that the horse piss flowed freely and that the night would be talked about for generations afterwards, if anyone could actually scrounge up enough memories to make a good story.

\---

When Levi wakes up in the morning, things are actually looking better. Instead of dreading death, he's welcoming it. 

_Couldn't those titans hurry up and kill them all already!_

"Ummm... sir?"

Levi frowns. That sounded like Jeager. Impossible! Jeager was safe and sound back at HQ. Unless... this was hell and Jeager was a demon sent to torment him. He cracks open a bleary eye. Sure enough, there's Eren Jeager standing there looking down at him.

"What the fuck are you doing here Jeager?" he snaps, sitting up and clutching his head. That's it, he's already died and gone to hell, he's sure of it.

"We got your carrier rat. We're here to rescue all of you. We've got gas, supplies and extra horses." Eren clears his throat. "Ummm... Nice tattoo sir."

_WHAT?_

Levi looks down. His shirt is missing, and sure enough, there's the words "Fuck Titans," tattooed across his chest in large gothic letters, complete with the image of a large hand giving the middle finger.

Why had he got a tattoo? HOW had he got a tattoo? As far as he knew the nearest tattoo parlor was still a days ride away.

Hanji suddenly lets out a loud yawn from beside him and pulls herself up. "Huh? We're still alive?"

Levi's shirt is too small for her. Its unbuttoned and left wide open, exposing her breasts and the tattoo on her chest which is identical to the one of Levi's. The only difference is that hers does not have the image of a large hand giving an obscene gesture. Instead it has... well... lets just say that its not a finger, and gives the words tattooed over her breasts a whole different meaning.

Eren is red in the face. "Excuse me sir. I think I hear Armin calling," and he takes off before Levi can get a word in edgewise.

\---

The ride back is the most embarrassing one Levi has ever experienced. No one dares talk to one another, or even make eye contact. Thankfully they don't encounter any titans, which may or may not be a mercy depending on who you asked.

Petra is probably the most embarrassed out of them all, as she constantly pulls her bedsheet tighter around herself. The few pieces of her clothing they had been able to find had been shredded into uselessness, and no one had anything to spare.

A few people are nervously tugging at wedding rings that weren't there when they set out. Nearly everyone is missing some manner of clothing, and more than a few are sporting new tattoos and strange bruises.

Credit goes to Irvin who is still carrying himself in the same regal and collected manner he always has. Despite the fact that no one could find his shirt, and everyone can see the whip marks and hickeys on his back.

His still wearing that dog collar too, Levi notes with some amusement.


End file.
